Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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