Say something about gay babies.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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