there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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