I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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