i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
