my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
