I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
