I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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