I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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