My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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