omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
