Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
