Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
