mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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