I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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