guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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