turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
