Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
