Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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