I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
