We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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