Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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