you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
