Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
