If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
