New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
