mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, he came in my armpit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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