i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
