why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
