when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
