So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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