Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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