oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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