omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
