So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
