They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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