I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
