I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
