They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
