I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
