No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
