His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
