How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
