i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
