Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
