i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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