Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You took a bar mat shot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
