You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
