I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
