i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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