Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
