shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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