I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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