Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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