I accidentally had phone sex last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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