Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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