Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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