I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
