I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
