Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
