Kiss
Puke
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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