I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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