kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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