He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
