So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they need to just BURY HIM!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
