Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I could fuck to npr.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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