i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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