Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
