if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
