got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
