Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Drake has all the answers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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