if you like me you must not know who I am
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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