So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A+ Viking dick
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
