East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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