we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
